Sunday School: Balance

Ah, the superbowl.  The most watched sporting event in the United States.  So much work has gone into making the party great.  Tortilla chips?  Check.  Guacamole?  Check.  Cheese dip?  Check.  Spinach Artichoke dip?  Check.  Hummus?  Check.  Vegetables?  Check.  Beer cheese soup?  Check.  Veggie dog pigs in a blanket?  Check.  Wine?  Check.  Friends who don't care about football and resent the fact that you're making them watch a game?  Check.  Beer Analogy?  Coming right up!

Today I'd like to discuss the concept of balance.  In beer, this is generally between malt flavors and hop flavors.  We're going to picture these two on the field with each drive representing a different beer.  The hops will be defense because they're bitter about not having the ball.  Bitter people are mean and everything they do is simply to spite the other side, like congress.  The malt will be offense because it carries the core of the drink to the finish.  Also, hops already took defense.  In this analogy, a Tebow style eighty yard touchdown pass would be a doppelbock while an also Tebow style three and out would be a DIPA.  Man, that guy needs to work on consistency.  Depending on your tastes, you're cheering for one team or the other, but you'd still like your opponents to put up a fight.  Blow outs are boring.

Isn't that right, Maximus?

What we like to see is a close game, something that excites us and gets our blood pumping.  We don't like quarterbacks that just throw or just pass off to the running back, we want a healthy mix.  Maybe even toss in a couple laterals or no huddles to catch the other guys off guard.  Sometimes try faking a kick.  That would be like a beer you think is done, but then hits you with a complex finish.  Likewise, a defense that forces a punt mid field is less interesting than one that stops the ball at the five yard line and then blocks the field goal.  Interceptions evoke some of the most fervent shouts of joy or despair of the game.  Beers are the same way.  If it's going to be super hoppy, it needs some body to back it up.  If you're using fifteen pounds of malt for a five gallon batch, you better have some strong hops.

Another aspect of balance as a football drive is the concept's scalability.  Beer from mega breweries isn't bad necessarily because it's unbalanced.  It could be perfectly balanced and still just be too small, like an evenly matched JFL game.  Imperial stouts and barley wines would then be NFL post season games with most other beers falling in the season games or college leagues (which are much more popular to many people).  If you measured beer by volume, most of it would be bland, small brews, just like there are thousands of high school games but only one superbowl.  Who knew football was so beery?  Sorry Tebow.

You really should try the stuff.