Optimator, Spaten

German cities have a way of attaching themselves to food names.  Denizens of Frankfurt and Wien have the distinction of being linguistically interchangeable with sausages.  Likewise, Hamburgers get to be synonymous with, well, hamburgers.  Perhaps the sweetest of these crossovers is the demonym for citizens of the capital city.  Theirs famously led an American president to declare himself one of these guys.

"I am a jelly doughnut!"
-John F. Kennedy

Of course this isn’t the only sweet thing with an etymology tied to a German city.  Today’s beer comes from the bock family.  The bock style is kind of named after the city of Einbeck.  I say kind of because obviously Einbeck ≠ Bock.  The Bavarian dialect, a cousin of which gives Arnold Schwarzenegger his distinctive accent, made “Einbeck” sound an awful lot like “ein Bock,” which means “a billygoat.”  That’s why labels of bocks often feature goats.  Quite frequently dancing.  Not sure why on that one.  Anyway, bocks are really malty so they provide the perfect counterpoint to the craft beer world’s often harsh blast of flavors.  Doppelbock may undo a little of that when it ramps up the grain bill, thus adding a few percentage points to the ABV, but it mostly just increases the flavor profile.  Let’s move on to Spaten’s doppelbock, Optimator.

Unfortunately the bottle is green, but what can you do?

It’s pretty dark, but very clear.  If it weren’t for the deep brown color, you’d be able to see pretty well through the glass.  The aroma makes me wish I could transmit smells over the internet.  So malty, so welcoming, so full.  The taste is one of heavy malts(duh) but it also contains dark roasts.  Stout haters need not worry though, because any burnt flavors are wrapped in a big, fuzzy blanket of sweetness.  It’s almost candy-like but not in the light, fruity way most candy is.  More like a horehound candy.  A working man’s sweet treat, if you will.  Optimator doesn’t have much of the syrupy linger common in the bock family, but it delivers wholeheartedly on any craving you may have for a smooth antidote to the bitterness of life.  That is assuming you have bitterness in your life.  Otherwise it’s just tasty.

Ironically enough, I first came across Spaten while in Italy and it soon became a favorite along with Tuborg.  I guess it makes sense though, Italy is a wine country.  Like the U.S. twenty years ago, all the good beers are imports.  For all of you who don’t find yourselves among the 82 million people living in Germany right now, be thankful that Spaten exports as much as it does.  I encourage you to show your thanks by picking up some Optimator the next time you’re out.  Trust me, you don’t want them to pull out of your market for lack of sales. If you do live in Germany, don't tell them about that Kennedy quotation.