Sunday, August 26, 2012

Sunday School: Alcohol Absorption

In this blog I mention many things to describe how enjoyable a beer is.  Bitter hops, sweet malts, funky yeasts, interesting adjuncts, etc.  There is an aspect of beer that is often ignored in reviews of good beer, however.  That would be alcohol.  The intoxicating qualities are often overlooked lest the drinker be seen as the stereotypical frat bro looking for one, trashy thing.  We drink for flavor!  Not drunkenness!  (That word has three ns?)  But this is not completely true.  The effect of alcohol on our bodies is part of the whole experience.  The problem is that alcohol, like fire, can move from friend to enemy quite easily.  If you look at a chart of alcohol’s impact on a person from .01 to .5 BAC, you will be left with an image of Ron Burgundy drinking a Miller High Life at his desk.  (If not, here’s some help with that.)  It is very important to remain the master of your own inebriation so that it doesn’t drain your ability to taste and smell what you’re drinking while making you less stable.  Understanding how your body absorbs alcohol is a good start on your journey towards buzz control.  Here are some tidbits you may have heard before with a few words on their veracity.

Carbonated drinks speed absorption
Carbon dioxide passes quickly into the bloodstream, so when it is present in a beverage like champagne or mixed drinks it acts sort of like the detergent that grabs the grease off of your dishes, dragging alcohol with it wherever it goes.

Eating bread slows absorption
Bread does not “soak it up” like you’ve heard people say, but eating a large meal of any food will slow the alcohol’s absorption.  Your body likes to hold food in the stomach to digest before passing it on to the gastrointestinal tract.  The intestines are the most efficient absorbers of alcohol, accounting for around 80% of the total.  The stomach accounts for closer to 15%.  Therefore, by getting stuck in the stomach, the alcohol is more slowly absorbed, leading to a 9-24% reduction in peak intoxication.

Shots are the quickest way to get drunk
This is actually false because of what I just explained.  The most efficient absorption occurs at concentrations between 10% and 30%.  Under 10%, the amount of non-alcohol liquids slow the process of gastric emptying.  Over 30% irritates your pyloric sphincter, leading to an increase in mucus production that fully delays gastric emptying.  This works by altering the osmolarity in the intestinal tract.  Osmolarity is a complicated chemistry term that required a consultation with my experts panel to understand.  I feel really smart now that I know what it is, which may be the point considering 20% of my experts told me it existed simply to make people who know how to use it sound smart.  So I probably shouldn’t share with you because then I’d lose my advantage.

Bigger people take more to get drunk
Your blood alcohol content is measured as a percentage, so the more fluid you have in your body, the more alcohol it takes to reach a certain level of BAC.  Like how China’s nominal GDP is over twice that of Germany’s but because China’s population is so much larger, Germany’s GDP per capita is four times that of China’s.  China needs a lot more money to be just as rich.  This effect isn’t just between different sizes of people though.  Muscle has more water than fat, so if two people weigh the same, the person with the lower fat content will be affected less because the alcohol is spread out more.

Girls can’t handle as much alcohol
The difference in gender is mostly accounted for by what I just explained.  Women generally have a higher fat content than men, so the alcohol concentration is higher.  Also, women eliminate alcohol more rapidly, so their inebriation is shorter and more intense.  I guess if you likened drinking to eating spicy food, men would experience intoxication more like tabasco and women more like wasabi.

Older people can’t handle as much alcohol
This one also comes down to water content because as we age, we become little geriatric raisins.  But elimination slows down too, so the effects last longer.

I’m still good to drive
No you’re not.  Some people will say they can drive because they drink often and are used to it.  While their liver will work a little bit faster (before it dies) nothing is changing the normal absorption or BAC.  If they use the “I’m a big guy” line, be wary.  If he’s over 240 lbs, four beers in an hour will still land him over the legal driving limit.

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